Ryan McGrath

Girl You Know It's True

When you hear this phrase, get ready to run:

"Tell me honestly, do you think I'm fat?"

It doesn't matter who asks you this, or how you respond. Guys, you will lose every time. Pretend this is a Choose Your Own Adventure book, and take a walk with me down the many paths one can take.

Scenario 1: The guy's response is enthusiastic and strong. "WHAT?! No, of course you're not fat. Who told you that? You're perfect."

WRONG. There is no such thing as perfect, and while they will tell you they are perfect, girls know that perfect doesn't exist (even Walgreen's admits this). By saying that they are perfect, you're lying. You lose. Girls 1, Guys 0.

Scenario 2: The guy's response is subtle, but firm. "No, you're not fat, that's crazy talk. You look great."

NOPE. Now they realize you are just patronizing them. They understand that taking a low key approach will help you transition into changing the subject. Again, you lose. 2-Love, adv Girls.

Scenario 3: My personal favorite. The guy acts in complete shock and comes with this: "What? That's retarded. Who says you need to be skinny...."

OUCH. That was the worst possible thing you could ever have said. Ever. Yeah, we all know that there are worse things out there than having "more to love" - oh, who am I kidding, no there aren't. Let's be honest, society pressures girls into being thin, and that is 80% of the hotness equation. Game, set and match go to the girls.

So you see fellas, anyway the cookie crumbles, we're fighting a losing battle when the uber-sensitive subject of weight comes into play. Your best bet is to avoid the subject altogether, if you can. I wouldn't suggest saying "yeah you're fat, but I love you that way." Even if your gal is pretty lighthearted it will end in your funeral. If it's possible, bring up another girl who is around and criticize her. This will help make your shorty feel better about herself, and help the two of you bond on a deeper level.